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Corona



Joined: 26 Jun 2008
Posts: 117
Location: Norfolk

PostPosted: Sat Dec 06, 2008 11:46 pm    Post subject: more jokes Reply with quote

A history teacher asks a class full of kids 'What was Churchill famous for?

A kid at the back shouts out 'He was the last white man to be called Winston!'





Did you hear about the look-a-like competition in China?

Everybody won.





What's the ideal weight for a mother-in-law?

About 2.3 pounds including the urn.





Was so depressed last night that I rang the Samaritans.

Got through to a call centre in Pakistan.

Told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could fly an aircraft...





I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me...

'Oi, what's your disability?'

I said 'Tourettes! Now f**k off!'





A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blonde staring at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving.

'Excuse me do I know you?' he asks.

'Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids' she says.

The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says 'Are you the bird I shagged on my stag night, whilst your mate whipped me and your other mate stuck a brush up my arse?'

'No' she replies 'I'm your son's English teacher!'





I said to the wife, 'I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today, but when I looked again it said 'Thick Cut''





What's the difference between Harold Shipman and Tony Blair?

Shipman actually did something about NHS waiting lists.





A bride on her wedding night says to her husband 'I must confess darling, I was a hooker!'

He says 'That's all right, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it'.

She replies 'Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan!'





Father Duffy walks into the convent and sees Sister Rose washing the kitchen floor. He's overcome with desire and pushes her onto the ground. As he's shagging her the Rev Mother comes in.

'SISTER ROSE!!!' she roars 'Have some respect. Arch your back girl and keep Father Duffy's balls off the wet floor!'





Tampax are changing their design they are repacing the string with a piece of tinsel

This is for the Christmas period only!





A man says to his wife 'tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time'.

His wife replies 'You've got a bigger knob than your brother'




Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast,
they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labeled LSD?'
Granny replies, f**k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!

Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantlyagrees.
Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks,'Dad, what's love juice?'
Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.
Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.
Dad says, 'So what were you watching?' Billy says, 'Wimbledon.

'A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband,I lookhorrible,
I feel fat & ugly, pay me a compliment.'He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.

'Wife gets naked & asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face
or my sexy body? 'Hubby looks her up & down and replies,'Your sense of humor!

An elderly couple is attending Mass.

About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband,
'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?
'He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'



A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the
Head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" the man asked.

The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your jacket pocket".

The man then said "When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on"

The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.

Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.
Wife replied. "Your horse phoned"



Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperms together and
have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated with it.

When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. A dozen
babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming.

Over in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely. A nurse
comes by, and to the delight of the gay fathers, she points
out the happy child as theirs.

'Isn't it wonderful?' one gay says to the other. 'All these unhappy babies
..... and yet our baby is so happy.
This just proves the superiority of gay love!'

The nurse says, 'Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his arse.




A guy goes to City Council to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, 'Are you allergic to anything?'

He answers 'Yes - caffeine'

'Have you ever been in the armed services?'

'Yes,' he says. 'I was in Iraq for two years.'

The interviewer says, 'That will give you 5 extra points toward employment,' and then asks, 'Are you disabled in any way?

The guy says, 'Yes ...a bomb exploded near me and blew my testicles off.'

The interviewer tells the guy, 'O.K. In that case, I can hire you right now. Normal hours are from 8 AM to 2 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting at 10 AM every day.'

The guy is puzzled and says, 'If the hours are from 8 AM to 2 PM, why don't you want me to be here before 10 AM?' '

'This is a council job,' the interviewer says.

'For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our bo!!ocks, not really any point in you coming in for that is there
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oily



Joined: 05 Apr 2008
Posts: 4788
Location: worcestershire

PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2008 4:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh yes, A few good un's there Laughing
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Pompey



Joined: 31 Jul 2008
Posts: 2311
Location: Marlborough

PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2008 5:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I see we need to raise our game! Razz
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Bimota's Db2, Db5 ,Ducati's 851' 92, 888' 93, Honda blade' 93, Triumph speed triple' 07, kawasaki zxr 750 k1
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v-pilot



Joined: 01 Jun 2014
Posts: 75
Location: Rexford NY

PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2019 11:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So, I found a radio at a yard sale the other day for a dollar. The tag said the volume was stuck on full...


I couldn't turn it down
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99 bimota db4 tricolor, 98 Moto Guzzi V10 Centauro
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78 Moto Guzzi V50
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